Back here after quite some time. There have been many intervening events in the past few months. The biggest of these being this campaign; to find avenues to break free from the cycle of meaningless stress.
As one struggles to fit into a new place; a “quaint” himalayan town, there are many unflattering moments of doubt and despair. Waking up to the view of sunrise over high peaks is no small blessing, but disconnect and constant foreboding of dark thoughts is tiring.
What is the quest about? Why did we land up here? Was it the materialistic aspirations or the lurking desire to explore a different life? The imagined charms of a small town life? The ambition to be different?
I do not see my decision fitting into any convincing answers for the above.
We seem to be working harder, trying harder to be in touch with those we love, feeling lonely easily and having impulsive mood swings more and more difficult to handle. As we move from one philosophy to another, as we try and test ourselves and the world around, the effort seems to be whetting an appetite for more. More passion, more depth, more intensity.
I know, this seduction is not going to leave me. The attraction of the lives we cannot live, the restlessness to be new. Engulfed with that nervous sense of adventure and excitement, an unknown has to be explored, touched, felt and preserved in memory of my fragile self.
As greater darkness closes in on me, all I desire is to vanish in the crevice of a grand oak or in the bend of a turquoise stream. Want to be so small, negligible that the grand world around me does not bother anymore.